Compulsory Service

It was the start of my first high school year when I met my forever love. I liked him immediately, and in August 2020 we started dating. Everything was perfect. I still can’t believe it was real. But on September 27 war began.

Large-scale fighting began on the morning of 27 September. For more than 30 years Artsahk has been the center of a conflict between Armenia and Azerbaijan. Both countries claim the territory and have dug their armies in along its borders. These explosions were the start of another round of fighting.

It is hard to describe what we felt during that time. Boys who studied with us were dying, being killed and tortured.

The decision was made. He should leave Armenia just to stay alive.

I love my homeland, but I love him more than anything. I will never forget the eyes that were always the bravest, filled with tears saying our good-byes, knowing it may be forever.

Today is the 12th of July 2024. It’s been more than three years we haven’t seen each other. I miss him endlessly. I miss his physical presence with me. These years never separated us; they just made us stronger.

Two days ago, I visited Yerablur; on a hilltop overlooking the capital city of Yerevan, our soldiers are buried there. Most of them were born in 2000-2002. I am glad he was not there with me. Each grave has a photograph of a fallen soldier. Any could be him. I recalled, looking into the eyes of our friend memorialized, that I had stupidly, without thinking, expressed to my love that I was happy he was not in Armenia. He felt very guilty.

I do everything for my homeland to blossom and become better, but I am not ready to give him away.

I hug my pillow every night and morning crying and missing. I really wish it was you. The distance is killing me. I wish one day you will hug me again.

S. is a college student and English teacher in Armenia.