by Charlie Kahner Enderby
A 10 year old with a razor blade and scarred wrists That turned into a 20 year old with needles and powder
Was this the life you imagined? The one your father chose for you?
When he called you his own and passed down his name,
Did he see you, his only son, as a dropout and rehab connoisseur,
Alone on the floor?
I wonder if our car rides were running through your head
As you found a vein,
And did you think of the boy who bled
When that first drip hit the back of your throat?
Did you dream of purple clouds and lavender breezes
When you nodded out?
Because you were never tired, were you? You simply needed an escape
From the burning world
That sortched and inflamed your skin.
I never knew how much you were suffering
And hear me when I say I would burn down
The earth and eat the heart of
The one who broke yours
Because you didn’t deserve it
You never deserved any of it
You were my safety You were my friend
I was a corpse in the woods
‘Til you gripped me tight and raised me
Above all of the vultures
You kept my secrets and guarded my heart
Though it never belonged to you, did it?
You simply saw the light
I reflected back onto
you
You opened the doors to your heart and showed me
That I can be trusted and that I can trust.
I learned that warm light can feel like the sun,
Even when the sun stands in total darkness.
Charlie Kahner (she/they) is an Oklahoma-based writer and student. She loves writing about different aspects of growing up in the Bible Belt as a queer femme and themes such as homophobia, sexism, and heartbreak. When they aren’t writing, working, or studying, they are spending time with their cats, partner and/or a trashy reality show. You can find her ramblings on Instagram @strawberryboonepoetry.